If You Believe

I'm reading an amazing book: The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun with Paul Hattaway. I was drawn to it the first time I saw it , like I am to most books about Christian martyrs or the Chinese Church. I passed it by at that time, though, I think because I didn't have the money. Now, a year later, it crossed my path again and I quickly ordered it.

I had barely read the introduction and my heart was burning. Again I saw a depth of passion and resolve that is the unmistakable mark of the Life of Christ. The opening paragraphs tell of Brother Yun being arrested in 2001 for his involvement in spreading Christianity in China; he was beaten nearly to death and sentenced to seven years in prison. A message that was carried out of the prison to concerned family and friends did not reflect pain or loss, however. Instead, it read, "God has sent me to be his witness in this place. There are many people here who need Jesus. I will be in this prison for exactly the length of time God has determined. I won't leave one moment early and I won't stay one moment too long. When God determines my ministry in prison is complete, I will come out." Only faith refined in the fire of God could answer this way.
I remember a day last fall while walking by the river. The sound of the cold water and the crunch of fallen leaves spoke of the approaching winter. As I looked up at the bare cottonwood trees around me, the Holy Spirit asked, What do you see? I answered back in my mind: Death. No, hibernation. No... Then before I could go on, the Spirit answered His own question: In season. I had to pause and think before the words sunk in. The stark, naked tree in front of me that looked like death wasn't really dead; it was perfectly in season.

Those simple words have come back to me so many times. Often outward appearances can lead one to think that circumstances are against us. And, without Christ, they may well be. John 10:10 does warn us that the thief's purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. But the second half of the verse gives us the more accurate picture when we are trusting in Truth: "My purpose is to give life in all its fullness." Jesus is Life. There is no death in Him, and He has conquered death for all who believe this. Therefore, no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in, there Life will be when Christ is in us.

Brother Yun found himself bloody and bruised, but still proclaimed the Life of Christ that resided within him. He knew that wherever he was, Jesus was with him bringing hope and joy, peace and victory. Circumstances that look negative on the outside will prove only to be stepping stones for the glory of God to those who believe that there is no place where Life cannot push through. Just like a bare tree looks pretty bleak but still carries life within that will break forth in spring, our lives will also burst forth with hope and promise as we believe and trust in the purpose of each season.

May the words Jesus spoke to Martha moments before raising her brother, Lazarus, from the dead, be with us always:

"Didn't I tell you that you will see God's glory if you believe?" (John 11:40)

Quiet moments

The last six months have taught me a lot about myself. I stepped back from some activities and relationships that have been profoundly important to me for years and spent most of my days in my own company. I read more books in this short time than I had in the last five years combined. I walked a lot, sat on park benches, listened to the creek, thought, prayed, played my keyboard, and came back to the basics of who I am. And I realized that it is truly the little things that give me the most pleasure. Sure, I'm like everyone - I love those extravagant surprises that come along, like unexpected vacations or surprise birthday parties. But I find the deepest joy in the little details of the day that can get lost if the lighting is wrong.

One of my truest joys is to make someone smile. I find myself driving the eight miles into town pretty much everyday, not that I always need to, but just to be around people. I don't always engage in long conversations, but I just want to be around other humans. I enjoy seeing their personalities come out in little, unplanned pieces. I love to walk into the post office and connect with someone's eyes long enough to smile and let them know they are important. It always amazes me how quickly a tired, tense face can melt to reveal who is really inside. On the other hand, it has also been fun to see the gentle, appreciative smiles of many who walked by as I was reading in a sunny spot. They didn't give me the "you should be doing something!" look, but instead seemed to take pleasure in the fact that I had found a quiet moment of enjoyment.

Another great fascination with me has to do with nature. I walk pretty much every day and I live in an amazing place. Literally hundreds of thousands of people come through this valley every year on their way to see Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. At any given moment, I can look out a window or across the horizon to see breath-taking landscapes. But for some reason, I have become obsessed with the little details: a leaf hanging like a gold coin from a wet, chocolate branch; the almost countless varieties of grasses, all reflecting the sunlight a little differently; the eagle that sits on the same branch at precisely the same time everyday; the smell of the morning fog. These are the treasures my mind has stored up.

Although it was a very lonely break in some respects, I feel more grounded. I feel that I now have so much more to give; so much more to offer. In the quiet, I allowed myself to go deeper into the One who is my anchor. I quieted the nagging voice of my needs and realized again that I need but one thing: to be close to my Creator. Once there, I find myself full. I find hope. I find a calm and joy that I can now take back to the relationships and activities I treasure.

Warm Liquid Joy

Why do berries hanging on a bush and moonlight in the middle of the night and grass waving in a breeze make my heart skip a beat as I burst out, “Oh, Father! You do that so well!” How is it that waves pounding the shore echo a sound deep within me and the rising sun means so much more than just a new day? Who is this One who has so captured my attention that He rarely leaves my thoughts? I find myself talking to Him all of the time about everything. I love the sound of His voice, the feel of His touch, the intensity of His gaze. I am consumed with being close to this Friend whose smile is like warm, liquid joy; to know His opinion, to glimpse what He sees, to ask His direction.