Desires of My Heart

For all of us who have encountered unexpected obstacles, fears, or pain as we long to be a part of God's plans, Psalm 37:4 is one of those amazing promises: Delight yourself also in the Lord and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart. When the Holy Spirit breathes upon these words, hope can rise from ashes and strength from sorrow. It's like seeing again a glimpse of the finish line and the prize at the end. It is also a reminder that we are not alone on this journey; our Creator is both interested and involved in each detail.

Recently, I began to ponder this verse again. Like most of us, I have dreams that I have carried around for a long time, even decades. Dreams of places to go, activities to do, goals to accomplish. Desires to be a part of a Kingdom bigger than myself. And as I have put my delight in the Lord, these desires have been fulfilled in many unexpected ways. I have even done things I never would have dreamed of - things that only God knew that I would desire. You see, only our Creator really knows our depths and what we would desire if we saw all things clearly.

This time, as I asked myself what my secret petitions really are - what I truly long for - I realized that the answer had very little to do with places and activities. In fact, it had nothing at all to do with who I am or what I like to do. Rather, it had everything to do with my Creator and what He wants for me. Seasons of shaking and pruning and growth have pushed me further into His arms and I am beginning to realize how much deeper my desires lie.

More than the physical, tangible details, I desire an ever-deepening faith to trust my Father's perfection in any situation, regardless of what I see or need. I desire to experience more and more of His peace as I confidently wait for His plans to unfold. I desire to obey quickly and quietly, even when it hurts or makes no sense. I desire to truly display His character: to love endlessly and selflessly.

I am realizing anew that my greatest desire to be one with God and, amazingly, He desires to be one with me (John 17). This being the case, the promise of Psalm 37:4 is even more astounding: The more I delight in my Father, the more I will be one with Him. And the more I am one with Him, the more delighted I will be. What a wise God.

P.S. (...if I can do that on a blog....)
On my drive home from the library, after posting this column, I realized that this stripping away of my physical desires to once again reveal my deepest desire is actually an answer to a verse I recently started praying again:

I pray my love may abound yet more and more, and extend to its fullest development in knowledge, understanding, and discernment. I pray that I will display this love in greater depth in my relationships with both God and man so that I may surely learn to sense what is vital, and to approve and prize what is excellent and of real value. I long to recognize the highest and the best.... (Phil. 1:9-11)

Thank you, Father. You are the highest and the best.
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A New Look at the Armor of God

"A final word: Be strong with the Lord's mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil." (Ephesians 6:10-11)

Although I have read Paul's description of the armor of God many, many times, it recently struck me very differently. In the past, putting on the armor was more of a mental exercise: speaking or thinking the scripture and picturing myself putting on each piece. Although this exercise has its purpose and place, as I read this familiar passage this week, I saw it in a whole new way.

I don't think Paul had mental exercises in mind when he exhorted the Body of Christ to gird themselves with truth, put on the shoes of peace, and lift up a shield of faith. The armor Paul described is one that grows and expands as we mature in our spiritual walk. Take the belt of truth, for example. Exactly how does truth protect us? It is not so much by just believing that truth exists, but by knowing and holding to what is true in the midst of the battle.

I remember a life-changing conversation I had with my son, Sam, when he was a teenager. We discussed the difference between truth and fact. In the dictionary, they mean basically the same thing. But to those of us who are in Christ Jesus, they become distinctively different.

Facts are all around us. They are what we perceive with our five senses. The fact is that people are hurting and hungry, enslaved in addictions and circumstances. The fact is that the world is full of unanswered questions and unsolved problems. The fact is that we all know people who are sick, even dying, and many who don't have hope for a future.

But in the midst of these facts stands truth. The truth is God's perspective. The truth is God's plans. The truth is God's love and faithfulness and Word, and truth always triumphs over facts. Jesus lived a life of consistently bringing the truth of God into the facts around Him, and the facts changed.

When we put on the belt of truth, we don't just do a mental exercise. Instead, it is a daily walking out of the truths of the Word, through trials and joys, and coming to know that they are indeed irrefutable. When we put on truth, we turn our gaze away from the facts around us, choosing instead to stand firmly on the character and faithfulness of our God. We feed our hearts and minds with the Word and the testimony it manifests before us. We hold onto it in spite of feelings or opinions, believing that it cannot fail. Believing God's love, wisdom, and power cannot fail.

Jesus said in John 8:31-32 that if we obey His teachings, we will know the truth and the truth will set us free. Free from what? Free from the lies and snares of the Devil. Free from fear and anxiety. Free from confusion and doubt. Truth takes us from the realm of earth's impossibilities into the realm of heaven's possibilities. Truth releases joy in the midst of pain, and hope in the midst of darkness. Truth releases the Life of Christ that has conquered death. This is the truth that covers and protects us.

Putting on the armor of God is an amazing journey of growth. Putting on God's armor is walking in truth, pursuing peace, understanding righteousness and salvation, immersing ourselves in the Word, and growing in faith. It is coming to know the One Who is our armor. When we put on God's armor, we desire one thing: the fullness of Christ in us.

  

Quiet moments

The last six months have taught me a lot about myself. I stepped back from some activities and relationships that have been profoundly important to me for years and spent most of my days in my own company. I read more books in this short time than I had in the last five years combined. I walked a lot, sat on park benches, listened to the creek, thought, prayed, played my keyboard, and came back to the basics of who I am. And I realized that it is truly the little things that give me the most pleasure. Sure, I'm like everyone - I love those extravagant surprises that come along, like unexpected vacations or surprise birthday parties. But I find the deepest joy in the little details of the day that can get lost if the lighting is wrong.

One of my truest joys is to make someone smile. I find myself driving the eight miles into town pretty much everyday, not that I always need to, but just to be around people. I don't always engage in long conversations, but I just want to be around other humans. I enjoy seeing their personalities come out in little, unplanned pieces. I love to walk into the post office and connect with someone's eyes long enough to smile and let them know they are important. It always amazes me how quickly a tired, tense face can melt to reveal who is really inside. On the other hand, it has also been fun to see the gentle, appreciative smiles of many who walked by as I was reading in a sunny spot. They didn't give me the "you should be doing something!" look, but instead seemed to take pleasure in the fact that I had found a quiet moment of enjoyment.

Another great fascination with me has to do with nature. I walk pretty much every day and I live in an amazing place. Literally hundreds of thousands of people come through this valley every year on their way to see Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. At any given moment, I can look out a window or across the horizon to see breath-taking landscapes. But for some reason, I have become obsessed with the little details: a leaf hanging like a gold coin from a wet, chocolate branch; the almost countless varieties of grasses, all reflecting the sunlight a little differently; the eagle that sits on the same branch at precisely the same time everyday; the smell of the morning fog. These are the treasures my mind has stored up.

Although it was a very lonely break in some respects, I feel more grounded. I feel that I now have so much more to give; so much more to offer. In the quiet, I allowed myself to go deeper into the One who is my anchor. I quieted the nagging voice of my needs and realized again that I need but one thing: to be close to my Creator. Once there, I find myself full. I find hope. I find a calm and joy that I can now take back to the relationships and activities I treasure.